god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
