Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
