i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
