can u get pink eye on your cock?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
