Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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