I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize