I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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