There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this will be a night to untag.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
