someone threw a dead crab at me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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