Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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