yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
