dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
