I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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