I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have tasted many bathrooms
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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