I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
