Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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