2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ok first of all what the fuck
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
