i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
