Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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