Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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