I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
