someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
