Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
