Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
