I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
