the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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