We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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