oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
