I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
