FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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