I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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