I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
