i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
