well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Rumble strips road head = magical
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
