oh good, I think they're gone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.