i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?