Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
