1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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