I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
