When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you