It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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