my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
