I wish I only lived at night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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