I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
