Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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