pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
