I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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