wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
