i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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