I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
