he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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