I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
