As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
