just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
