She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
