you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
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it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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