Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
