I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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