i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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