I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
