He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
