Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
