We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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